Final Blog

First, I have to say that I’ve enjoyed all of the books you chose for us to read.  These books produced passion and emotion in all of us in the classroom.  Isn’t passion what a good author brings out in his or her reader?  The mere fact that a fellow student had any emotion – happy, sad, disgust, intrigue – and expressed that emotion in class, accomplished some of what a good author strives to evoke from a reader.  It also forced the other student-readers to examine their own conscience and evaluate their own emotions regarding the subject matter.

Arabic Coffee made me reflect on my own past and share that memory with my daughter.  I wrote in my blog, “When I was growing up, I remember the coffee being made on the stove.  We used a funny looking sock holder with a handle.  The end always had something in it that made it look heavy and dark.  It looked like a sock to me then but now I know it was a strainer.  As the “sock” cooked in the pot on the stove, I would lean over and see this thick black soupy mixture.  The smell was strong but sweet at the same time.  Using our true traditional ways, our mixture required no sugar or milk.  Bread was the only piece of food that came with it.  It was used for dipping.  At times my mother would give me a piece of her dipped bread.  The taste was incredible.”  I had almost forgotten that experience until reading this poem.  My daughter discussed this “coffee” and tradition with my mom which led to other memories being shared.  It was a great way to bring us together.  “So for some people and some cultures, coffee isn’t just a cup of coffee.  It warms us from the inside out and stays with us for a lifetime.”

So much of what we’ve read has to do with relationships.  In and Out of Time talked about the relationship between two slaves.  “I feel this poem is about two slaves who have been taken from their home.  As the morning skies clear up, they both can see that home is farther and farther away.  They haven't left home of their own free will.  They’ve been ripped from their homes and everything familiar to them.  They are frightened.  Both are trying to be strong and support the other.”

This author makes you feel their pain.  They suffer together their losses.  They will survive together.  “Now they have been torn from their home; torn from everything that has any meaning to them; torn from their reality; torn from their lives.  He feels as though he has failed her.  She feels he is her hero.  He will always be her hero.  As they look together into the distance, they know their love for each other will be forever.” 

Krik? Krak! is another book that made you look deeper for more information.  For instance, the man standing outside the cock fight clearly wanting to go in and join the others but didn’t.  Why didn’t he?  “He suffers with a limp that may have been caused by whatever hardship he had endured.  Maybe the excessive daily drinking eases his pain – both physical and emotional.  This is a man who was well-respected in society; someone who was contributing to society; someone who was shaping the lives of children and young people every single day.  Now he is an empty shell of his former self.  He is the useless town drunk standing on the outside looking in.”

As I mentioned in my previous blog, I really didn’t enjoy the Vagina Monologues.  “What bothers me about this book is the sexual assaults that took place and seemed to be overlooked or underemphasized as an assault.  Children being assaulted by grown males and females should have had the emphasis placed on the act as a wrongful assault on an innocent child.  Maybe if someone had told these children sooner that they didn’t do anything wrong and that they were the child-victims of monsters in our society, they could have had a better life.”

Domestic violence is on the rise in this country and in the State of Connecticut.  I am in favor of getting the message out and helping women (and men) victims of domestic violence.  I just thought that there wasn’t enough emphasis placed on the sexual assaults on the children.  In some cases, it seemed to glorify the relationship rather than recognizing the assaultive behavior.

In reading I Am An Emotional Creature, more passion against abuse of any kind was raised in me.  No one – absolutely no one – has the right to hit another living creature.  That’s it.  There is no explanation necessary.  There are no exceptions to that rule for any reason.  Now the hard part is helping the young mind who has been raised in an abusive home believe and begin to live that concept.  That concept must become reality for all.  These books are still on my mind.  The atrocities that so many people live through is astonishing.

Fun Home is reality for many people.  There are so many people around us are suffering in many different ways.  As a society abuse of any kind must stop.  The change needs to start somewhere.  As Michael Jackson said, “If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change.” 

This brings us to Push.  As I wrote in my blog, “In class we mentioned cycles.  Well it’s pretty obvious to me that she [Precious] was the one to break the cycle of abuse.  She was the one who initially knew something was wrong with her so-called parents’ behaviors.  She was the one person who wanted to move forward with her life.  This to me is the beginning of breaking the cycle.  I think if she keeps going in this direction, she will be successful in finding her own place in the world. That, in and of itself, would be a huge accomplishment for Precious.

I think once she gets her own place that she can truly call home, all of these pieces will come together.  She will be able to find work, utilize the caregiver she has been using for Abdul, maintain the medical assistance for Mongo and be able to find love with another.  She has accomplished a lot since the beginning of the story.  She is an inspiration to all of us.”

When the Emperor Was Divine was a very powerful book.  It opened my eyes to the hardships so many endured and the protective spirit of this mother in particular.  She was selfless especially when it came to her children.

“I believe this key became part of her existence because it allowed her to think positive thoughts.  It also allowed her to maintain some hope.  She clung to this key as if it was her life or at least her lifeline.  As she ran her fingertip on the edge of the key, she probably said something to herself like, ‘I will forget all about this moment and all that we had to endure just because we are different.’  She would check the key everyday like a mom or dad at home checking the house before going to bed.  She would place the key in her mouth to conceal it and keep it safe in her possession if she needed to.  She did place the key around her neck as if to say, ‘This is where I belong.’ ‘We have a home.’  This is a temporary “home” because we are different.

When the sun came up on the day that the key was to meet its other half, she was very surprised to see what had been done to their home.  I am sure they all must have felt violated and disrespected, but mom held her ground.  She placed her key in the keyhole.  With every click and clack, sense of being home became a reality.”

The Shawl is still with me.  I think about this book and Rose’s experiences.  If Cynthia Ozick was hoping for reaction and emotion when she wrote this book, she attained her goal. 

“The shawl prevented Magda from experiencing anything unpleasant and gave her a sense of security.  All Stella could do now was to continue walking in line.  Her shawl had been used as an imaginary source of nourishment for her daughter.  Stella was unable to produce milk because her ducts were dried up.  So Stella used the shawl as a sponge.  She would allow the shawl to absorb any and all liquids she could produce.  The shawl would last up to three days giving Stella more time to think about what she was going to do next.

This shawl provided protection for Magda and the strength needed for Stella. This must have been extremely difficult for a person like Stella to be in this situation and to have a child to take care of at the same time.  For a child her age she demonstrated great strength that only love can provide.  This situation was extremely difficult for an adult to handle.  How could anyone expect a child of Stella’s age to handle or even try to understand such a situation?  No human being should ever be placed in such a situation nor should we (humanity) allow this to ever happen again anywhere in the world.

I am a firm believer that writing what you are feeling down on paper is a good way to begin to heal.  This is exactly what Rose is doing.  I also believe in the saying, “If you’re too busy looking in the rearview mirror, you can’t see what’s in front of you.”  Writing things down, for Rosa, will help her reconcile her feelings and maybe be able to move on with her life.  She has been through some horrific events.  I give her credit for being a survivor.  She’s stronger than she thinks.”

“Two or Three Things I know for sure, and one is that I would rather go naked than wear the coat the world has made for me.”  At sixteen years old, this young lady stood strong in the presence of her friends.  She turned to her stepfather and announced bravely, “You can’t break me and you’re never going to touch me again.”  Those are very powerful words coming from the mouth of a young 16-year-old girl who has suffered from abuse her whole life.

She talks of her mother’s abuse, her aunt’s abuse, her cousin’s abuse and her own abuse.  Yet, on this day, her birthday, she is able to bravely and so powerfully tell this monster that he will not break her – spirit or body – she will survive.  She acknowledges that statistically she should be incapable of love or trust or passion as so many victims of abuse become.  However, she is determined that she will never end up that way.  She will survive.   She will love and be loved.” 

Each and every one of these authors manages to touch the reader to the point that what was written on paper remains in the minds of the reader.  Randomly, an image or thought from the book will pop into the reader’s mind weeks or months after putting the book down.  That’s the sign of a good author.  I will seek out other books by these authors.  I truly enjoyed your choices of readings and our discussions in class.  I have enjoyed listening to the diverse opinions of my classmates and sharing my opinions. 

Two or Three Things I know for Sure by Dorothy Allison

            “Two or Three Things I know for sure, and one is that I would rather go naked than wear the coat the world as made for me.”  At sixteen years old, this young lady stood strong in the presence of her friends.  She turned to her stepfather and announced bravely, “You can’t break me and you’re never going to touch me again.”  (p. 68)  Those are very powerful words coming from the mouth of a young 16-year-old girl who has suffered from abuse her whole life.

            She talks of her mother’s abuse, her aunt’s abuse, her cousin’s abuse and her own abuse.  Yet, on this day, her birthday, she is able to bravely and so powerfully tell this monster that he will not break her – spirit or body – she will survive.  She acknowledges that statistically she should be incapable of love or trust or passion as so many victims of abuse become.  However, she is determined that she will never end up that way.  She will survive.   She will love and be loved.

            “I took my sex back, my body.  I claimed myself and remade my life.  Only when I knew I belonged to myself completely did I become capable of giving myself to another, of finding joy in desire, pleasure in our love, power in this body no one else owns.”  (pp. 69-70)  These are powerful revelations of someone who has suffered so much pain.

            She goes on to say that she knew as a young girl that what was happening to her and what had happened to her mother and other family members was wrong.  She knew that she would get away from all of it and never, ever allow someone to treat her that way again.  She was a very strong young woman.  She refused to be a victim.  She would not give up herself and become what he was trying to make of her.  She was strong.  She would survive.  She would not wear the coat of pity -- the coat of a victim.

Two or Three Things I know for Sure by Dorothy Allison

The Family Bible

These pages (pp. 8-11) sounded very familiar to me.  In one of my classes I, too, was asked to make a family tree.  Unlike Dorothy, I knew this was not going to be an easy task for me.  Just like Dorothy, I needed names of people I am related to.  This was not as easy as it sounded for me either.  When I took out the family album -- you know the one that no one can find – and we did not have a family bible, I showed my mom a picture and then asked her who this person was and I waited a moment.  Then she said “Oh, that’s nobody;” “I can’t remember;” or “Why are you asking these questions?”  It was obvious to me by her sudden body posture and tone that she knew who this person was.  In this picture there is a male with his arm wrapped around my mother’s waist.  Her relaxed body had shifted into a tensed and defensive posture.  Just like Dorothy’s mom, my mother raised her voice and she gave me a familiar look.  I took her sign to mean proceed with caution.  I have to say not one of my best moments with mom.  

I now realize I was trying to open up “Pandora’s Box” and she was telling me as nicely as possible, “You will not open this box today nor will I allow myself to be exposed for your class project.”  In order to diffuse the tense situation I had created, I asked if we could talk about the family members that I do know.  This seemed to settle her down a bit.  Then I began to mention family names of people I know.  I believe Dorothy was trying to do the same thing with her mother.  This began to ease the tension in the room.  

Unfortunately, these names began a friendly debate among the family about deceased members of the family.  Should they still be counted as family.  For Dorothy this was not going to be an easy task, either.  So she collected all her papers and left the room.  She did hear her Aunt Dot saying a “Family Bible” followed by snickering in her voice.

The Shawl by Cynthia Ozick

I believe Rosa needed to write how she was feeling.  She needed to remove herself from her guilt and pain regarding her past.  Any good therapist will encourage a person to write what it is that is bothering them.  This serves many purposes.  Sometimes you can hand what you’ve written to the person you’ve written about or you can destroy it and never look back.  Unfortunately, Rosa is still working on understanding why all this happened to her.  Why was she the one who survived and not Magda?  By writing about these atrocities, she is able to come to some understanding of herself and why all this happened.

Her description of the pen and its ability to speak the truth by untying the tongue, to speak as it was meant to speak -- her true thoughts and feelings.  She was explaining when all her possessions were taken away from her, especially about her future that was never to come.  She needed to write about her experiences even if it was to Stella who seemed to have forgotten all that happened to them.  Rosa was not able to understand how Stella was able to move on.  

As I mentioned in class, I think Rosa had a reality break.  She confused and compared everything going on around her in the present day with the camp that she came from.  She became so engulfed with her past that she was not able to move forward with her present or future.  I believe Stella and the memory of Magda and writing to both would have allowed Rosa to begin to have some closure on certain issues while working on others.  Writing would provide this for Rosa as a road map to understanding herself.   

I am a firm believer that writing what you are feeling down on paper is a good way to begin to heal.  This is exactly what Rose is doing.  I also believe in the saying, “If you’re too busy looking in the rearview mirror, you can’t see what’s in front of you.”  Writing things down, for Rosa, will help her reconcile her feelings and maybe be able to move on with her life.  She has been through some horrific events.  I give her credit for being a survivor.  She’s stronger than she thinks.

The Shawl by Cynthia Ozick

I believe Mr. Persky was introduced to Rosa to help her overcome her fears.  He was able to explain things to Rosa in a simple form.  One of his comments was “if you are alone too much, you begin to think too much.”  I believe he was right.  If you have something that worries you that much, you really need to talk about it with someone you trust.  

Persky was trying to be that person for Rosa who clearly needed someone to talk to.  Persky was always trying to be there for her and every time Rosa had something negative to say about herself or the world, Persky was there to help her try to understand it.  His guidance was showing Rosa that she could move on with her life.  There was no need to carry such baggage from the past into her future.  Persky even explained his personal life to Rosa (p. 26) which included his current wife who was institutionalized; how he supports his son who is now 30 years old; and how his niece who is 49 sends him money for support.   He was probably hoping that by sharing these personal things with Rosa, she would understand him and his generation a little better.  He gave Rosa a chance to absorb all this information.  I’m sure he wanted to summarize certain moments in his life so she could reflect on her own life. 

Persky is the type of person who would say things like, “We must not allow our past to control our destiny” to Rosa. “For it is what we are that makes us who we are.”  In order for this to occur, we must be able to express those thoughts without condemning the whole world.   We need to be happy with ourselves for every day that comes.  To take every day as if it was given to us, we must be purposeful with them.  We are not to be ashamed of who we are, but be proud of who we are.  To me, Mr. Persky represented this symbol of hope and understanding which Rosa needed.  Hopefully, Mr. Persky will assist Rosa with her journey to recovery.   

The Shawl by Cynthia Ozick

The shawl was being used to secure this child, Magda, by her mother, Stella.  Stella is a very young girl who is responsible for her daughter who happens to be wrapped up in her shawl.  At this very moment, Stella is walking in a line and Magda is underneath the shawl protected and warm.  Stella is jealous of Magda and she would like to be the one protected from all that is going on around them.  So why doesn’t Stella walk away from the line? Because Stella knows that if she walks off the line she will be shot and Magda could die with her.  Stella even thought to herself, “If I just stepped out of the line for a moment then maybe I could hand Magda to someone.”  Stella’s thoughts had taken her over.  What if the person was too scared to take her daughter?  What if she fell out of her shawl and died? 

Stella’s hopes and dreams for her daughter to have a better life did not happen.  Her dreams were put into perspective.  The reality of the situation is that if she attempted to physically make her thought come true, she would be shot on the spot.  All she could do was look at her daughter and admire her beautiful round head and her small tooth.  Stella looked at her daughter’s tooth and noticed how it looked like a tombstone above a burial site.  

The shawl prevented Magda from experiencing anything unpleasant and gave her a sense of security.  All Stella could do now was to continue walking in line.  Her shawl had been used as a source of nourishment for her daughter.  Stella was unable to produce milk because her ducts were dried up.  So Stella used the shawl as a sponge.  She would allow the shawl to absorb any and all liquids she could produce.  The shawl would last up to three days giving Stella more time to think about what she was going to do next.  

I believe this shawl provided protection for Magda and the strength needed for Stella. This must have been extremely difficult for a person like Stella to be in this situation and to have a child to take care of at the same time.  For a child her age she demonstrated great strength that only love can provide.  This situation was extremely difficult for an adult to handle.  How could anyone expect a child of Stella’s age to handle or even try to understand such a situation?  No human being should ever be placed in such a situation nor should we (humanity) allow this to ever happen again anywhere in the world.

When the Emperor Was Divine by Julie Otsuka

The Key

I believe it was the key to their home that helped provide the mother with some stability and hope that one day she and her children would return home.  If anybody was to ask where they were, they should say, “We were on vacation.”  She would not offend anyone by answering rudely.  That would not be lady like.

I believe this key became part of her existence because it allowed her to think positive thoughts.  It also allowed her to maintain some hope.  She clung to this key as if it was her life or at least her lifeline.  As she ran her fingertip on the edge of the key, she probably said something to herself like, “I will forget all about this moment and all that we had to endure just because we are different.”  She would check the key everyday like a mom or dad at home checking the house before going to bed.  She would place the key in her mouth to conceal it and keep it safe in her possession if she needed to.  She did place the key around her neck as if to say, “This is where I belong.” “We have a home.”  This is a temporary “home” because we are different.

When the sun came up on the day that the key was to meet its other half, she was very surprised to see what had been done to their home.  I am sure they all must have felt violated and disrespected, but mom held her ground.  She placed her key in the keyhole.  With every click and clack, sense of being home became a reality.    

When the Emperor Was Divine by Julie Otsuka

The Tortoise

In a letter that was sent to him by his father, he was asked if he had a best friend.  I believe his father asked him this question in hopes that someone was there to help him through this ordeal.  He was going to grow up faster than his father had hoped he would and it was his job to guide him through this terrible time.  His father was hoping that a male figure would take on the responsibility of teaching his son how to do things right.  He knew it was his job to perform and now he couldn’t. 

His son was reaching out to him through their letters.  Although his son did not have a best friend or a mentor as his father had hoped, he did have a pet tortoise (p. 60) which he kept at the barracks window to keep it cool at night.  Its home was a wooden box with sand with a white stone on top to prevent it from escaping.  After all, if anybody was to leave, it should be him and his family.  They did nothing wrong.  His tortoise was not given a name.  Instead, it had an I.D. number etched in its shell.  This I.D. number was the same number that was given to his family.  In a place where you are housed like animals, you do not have a name.  “After all, it is your name that identifies you as a person/human being.”  Those in charge did not want that to occur.  

In his dreams he would hear the tortoise clawing at the inside of the box.  The tortoise probably felt the same way as the boy.  He, too, would have liked to remove himself from this environment, these people, the food and the temperature.  This became home to all of them. In his return letters he did not mention any of this to his dad.  This was probably done to keep each other from losing their sanity.  If the truth were told, the sole reason they were there was because they were Japanese. 

It was very difficult for his father to accept and now he had to explain it to his son.  It was easier to keep the lie going.  A boy of this age should be playing with his friends or going to school, doing the normal things, not caged up like some animal because he is different.  How was his dad going to explain such a thing through censored mail?  How was his son to understand that his government placed him in this camp to protect themselves from people like him?  

I believe they needed to say only what needed to be said.  It was the only way to keep the lie from exposing the truth.   “We should not hide ourselves behind the mirages of ourselves.”

When the Emperor was Divine by Julie Otsuka

The little girl was not able to contain herself.  She needed to say something.  The man in front of her tapped her on the shoulder.  He began to speak to her in his language -- it was Japanese (p. 28).  The little girl could not answer him because she did not speak Japanese. He was probably thinking to himself, “How is it that this little girl does not know her own native tongue?”  Thinking once again to himself, “I know why I am here.  Do you know why you are here?”  All the little girl could do was to watch the man go all the way to the end of the train as he slowly placed his hand on his gun holster just to make sure it was still there.  The little girl was probably thinking that he is here to protect us.  After all, it’s not everyday you are on a train and somebody decides to throw a brick at it.  Although it was not time to sleep, all the shades had to be pulled down.  As the last shade was brought down, the inside of the train became very dark.  Anybody looking in probably only saw shadows or images of people.  Just like the train passing by, no one would think anything out of the ordinary.  These people were going somewhere far away.  

The little girl thought of positive things like horses, specifically, Mustangs she remembered reading about in National Geographic magazines.   Nevada had a lot of them and they all were wild horses.  She would imagine the cowboy snapping his finger and there it would be -- his new horse.  This inspired her brother to want to be a Jockey but he had never been on a horse before and mother reminded him that Jockeys are small men.  She asked him if he wanted to be a small man.  This thought never entered his mind.  They truly embraced the Western Fairy-tales.  This gave them hope and a sense of returning home soon.

Push by Sapphire

I believe there is a lot more in store for Precious’ future.  Through hard work, determination, and utilizing the proper resources, she is now capable of a future she has always wanted.  If she continuous to use these resources a guide and not as a crutch, she will succeed.  Unfortunately, some people have used the system as a crutch and this has given a bad name to those who use the system for its true purpose.  Precious chose not to become one of them. She chose to forge forward.  With this type of motivation, no one or nothing can stop them from achieving their goals.

In class we mentioned cycles.  Well it’s pretty obvious to me that she was the one to break the cycle of abuse.  She was the one who initially knew something was wrong with her so-called parents’ behaviors.  She was the one person who wanted to move forward with her life.  This to me is the beginning of breaking the cycle.  I think if she keeps going in this direction, she will be successful in finding her own place in the world. That, in and of itself, would be a huge accomplishment for Precious.

I believe she will be seeking (and obtaining) a job.  She will then seek childcare services for Abdul or utilize the one she is currently using.  She will need to keep everyone in the loop by communicating with them.  Once all of this is in place, I think she will talk with her social worker about Mongo and wanting to bring him home.  This would bring Precious to another level of adulthood and motherhood.

There should be more people like Ms. Rain in this world.  I like the encouragement she has been giving Precious -- work hard, push and keep pushing yourself.  You will get there.  Only you can make your future come true.  She now has the ability to look at Mongo as her other son.  She wants Mongo and Abdul together with her.  She has acquired a good sense of how the system works.  To me that shows responsibility and commitment to her children.  She has learned to accept help and to utilize the resources around her. 

I think once she gets her own place that she can truly call home, all of these pieces will come together.  She will be able to find work, utilize the caregiver she has been using for Abdul, maintain the medical assistance for Mongo and be able to find love with another.  She has accomplished a lot since the beginning of the story.  She is an inspiration to all of us.  

Push by Sapphire

Is this an American Dream story or the opposite? Is it a story of hope or a story of despair? Or is it not that simple -- and why?

This is and is not an American dream story.  Here we have a young girl named Precious who was molested by her so-called father.  This abuse continued until she was in her teenage years.  When she became pregnant with her first child by her father, she unknowingly exposed the dark secret.  The hospital staff knew about it and they gave that information to the proper authorities who did nothing.  So what was Precious to do about it?  

We could say the American Dream began for Precious the day she got kicked out of school.  One day Mrs. Linchenstein (p. 15) went to her home and explained to Precious that there was a school that she thought would be able to serve her better.  She gave Precious the address and location through the intercom.  Precious knew she wasn’t going to go anywhere without education. 

She went to the teaching center called Each One Teach One (p. 39).  This is where Precious’ life physically and mentally changed forever.  Precious met Ms. Rain.  Her teaching style was well-crafted.  She provided all her students with insight, caring, loving strength from within and understanding of all that is around you.  She truly was what Precious needed and wanted all her life.  She needed someone to show her that she was worth loving and she could be loved by another person -- the kind of love that would enable a child to grow and develop into a healthy and emotionally well-balanced person.  

Just like a well-planted seed, if you tend it well it will become a beautiful flower.  This particular institution provided such nurturing to take place.  Precious and all the other students who came from similar situations became better people for it.  Precious was given great contributions by her classmates.  She, in turn, showed them that no matter what is thrown in front of you, you can overcome.  They are the ones who showed Precious how to let go of the anger and resentment she had about everything and everyone.  They showed her not to be afraid of letting your guard down.  Be yourself.  Together they would support one another during difficult times and use humor to lessen the pain.   Ms. Rain was the glue that kept Precious on track by telling Precious, “You need to push yourself.”  Precious knew that the only person she was going to rely on was herself.  

We need to remind our selves about the American Dream.  Yes, it is our tax dollars and funding from the government that provide funds for such programs like Each One Teach One. These programs provide children with some of the basic needs like food, shelter and water.  They also provide safety to a majority of women who have left their homes because of abuse or safety concerns.  They give services to those who may not be heard by giving them a voice.  

Precious is just one of many people who lacked the necessary tools needed to succeed such as education.  It may not be the perfect system ( you can’t please all the people all the time), but it is better than no system at all.  The system can work if those who work in the system show others how to navigate through it properly.  Isn’t that what it is all about?

Fun Home by Alison Bechdel

            When I started reading this book, I was pretty unimpressed.  As I continued reading, I became more and more interested in what Bechdel was trying to say in her story.  The pictures added so much to the writing.  This seemed like such an unusual yet affective way to translate her own story into A Family Tragicomic.

            Children see themselves through their parents.  One of the gifts and curses of our youth is to try to mimic our parents.  We seem to beam inside when we do something “just like mom” or “just like daddy.”  Somehow our identities are wrapped inside and around our parents.  Eventually, through our own growth, this changes and we become our own person.  Sometimes, through their aging, our parents begin to look at us in the same way we once looked at them.

            Although Alison grew up in a “museum” with her mother and abusive father always at odds, she longed to understand both of them.  She wanted to understand her mother’s standing in the home.  She already thought she knew her father as the “head” of the household.  He was the tyrant; the one who everyone cringed when he walked in the room.

            Mom had to make sure that everything dad wanted was done.  She lost herself and her own personality and dreams “obeying” her husband.  She made sure he wanted for nothing because there would be hell to pay if he lacked something – anything.  The children made sure they did everything to keep their father happy.  They knew how he would react if his rules weren’t obeyed. 

            Yet, Alison’s life and writings seem to parallel her father’s life in so many ways.  As a young adult in college, she reached a new dimension when speaking with both of her parents.  She asked the questions she had always wanted to ask.  Some of the answers she got from her mother were not what she expected.  Some of these honest answers were exactly what she expected and some were certainly more than she needed or wanted to know.

            When approaching her father with her own identity and his identity, she was a little apprehensive.  She wasn’t sure how he would react to her identity.  She was less sure how he would react to talking about his identity.  She was relieved when he spoke openly about his own life.  She was grateful to have this time with him and his understanding of who she realized she was.  The similarities and comparisons were uncanny.  She always knew he would be there for her and she was happy to have his understanding and feel his love. Pages (230-232) " but in the tricky reverse narration that impels our entwined stories, he was always there to cath me when I lept". The End.

Fun Home by Alison Bechdel

Sexuality and its Price:  The “Uglies”

Mom is explaining to dad the traditional way would have been to bring her whole family with her to live off her so-called husband.  Although he shows gratitude, it is contradicted by the grin and the dropping of the eye.  She even reminds him why she is entitled to live off of him by using the words, “your uglies.”  She addresses his private parts in this manner because he has used them before with her and now with someone else.  I think she would have accepted him using his “uglies” with another woman, but he was using them with another man.  This went on until his death. 

As a woman, she made a huge sacrifice for her husband and her family.  As a human being, she lost her own identity.  She was absorbed into her husband.  She lost her sense of self.  She was treated and allowed herself to be treated like a non-person.  She forgot about her own hopes and dreams.  The plans she once had for her future with her husband and family were abandoned.

His aspirations for life became the most important thoughts in their household.  She became the shell of her former self.  She was lifeless going through the motions of homemaker and mother.  I can’t even say wife because with that word comes attachment to another human being.  They were no longer attached, if in fact they ever were connected to each other.  He was surely connected, but not to her.

That’s the reason for the obsession with the home and with cleaning and everything in its place, etc.  He was purifying himself.  He needed his wife and children to put up the front of normality.  He was no more normal than Jeffrey Dommer was loving and kind.

Fun Home by Alison Bechdel

We see Alison trying to understand why her mother and father have such a distant relationship.  Dad comes into the kitchen and his body language says it all.  He is clearly distancing himself from everyone else.  After all, isn’t his family his main priority?  Unfortunately, this is the downside to his façade. 

Alison is becoming increasingly aware that there is something wrong with mom and dad’s relationship.  Alison is having difficulty understanding why this is happening.  Why can’t mom and dad show their emotions?  It is obvious to her that when dad comes in the room, the atmosphere in the room changes immediately and it is not for the better.

Alison decides to break the silence by asking her mother a question.  “When did you meet dad?”  Her mother responds, “I can’t remember.”  I think what she really wanted to say to her daughter is something like:  “I can’t recall exactly when he started to change into the person he is today.” 

Her mother feels she has lost herself in this so-called marriage.  She feels that she still must support her husband’s so-called family life.  She is also the peacemaker of the family and is constantly trying to find her own inner peace so she can keep things around her calm and peaceful.  She remains silent about her feelings.  She is unable to speak out against that which does not allow her to be free.  There is no respect for one another as people.  They seem to relate to each other as objects without feelings rather than the emotion-laden people that all human beings are. 

When really looking at the pictures in this book, it is so evident that the family is in fear of the father.  He is an abusive bully who the mother now sees clearly but doesn’t know what to do to change him back into the man she remembers (and married) or take the children and leave him.  She seems to be an empty shell of the person she once was.  She’s allowed herself to go numb rather than feel the pain he is inflicting on her and her family every single day.

Fun Home by Alison Bechdel

             This is such an odd story yet thought-provoking.  This father has kept his house immaculately clean and tidy.  He seems to be obsessed with “his” belongings.  He even gets upset when he notices a vase is inches out of place. Yet, he is abusive to his children.  Is that vase really more important to him than his children?  I think he values his things more than his family.  What a sad and hateful man.

            He has inherited his father’s funeral business.  How ironic that he doesn’t cherish life or his family.  Being surrounded by sorrow, I would think that you would cherish every minute with your family truly knowing how quickly it can all be gone.  That’s not the case with this man.  He cherishes nothing.

            What exactly is he hiding?  All of this obsessive-compulsive cleaning must be hiding something.  He is cleaning away something.  The author doesn’t allude to the fact that he is clinically obsessive-compulsive, so I have to believe that he is not.  Everything must be done in his perfect fashion.  Each room has a purpose and is not to be used for any other purpose.  The children are nothing more than his work-slaves.   He ran the home authoritatively.  His family was compelled to please him out of fear not out of respect or love.

            I think he truly hates himself not his family.  This is a house of horrors.  Every person was put in place to fulfill the father’s selfishness.  This entire life is a façade.  He was concealing his true inner desires.  At one point it mentions having sex with teenaged boys.  Is he a product of sexual abuse himself?  Is that what he is trying to hide?  Some may think he’s trying to hide the fact that he is gay.  I don’t believe so.  I believe he was abused as a child and he is running -- trying to hide from those feelings.  All of this obsessive cleaning and rearranging and controlling behavior are directly related to his own childhood being so far out of control.  He is trying to clean away his past.

   

In The Time of the Butterflies, by Julia Alvarez

I believe Trujillo needed to kill the Mirabal sisters because he could not bear the fact that no matter what he did he could not get away from the Mirabal shadow that was cast over him.  He could not kill them in prison because that would have caused too much attention and that was the last thing he needed or wanted.  When this so-called accident occurred, three of the Mirabal sisters instantly became martyrs.  

I think that during the Trujillo reign these girls were victims first.  Then they decided to make their own choices as to how they wanted to help the cause.  Little did they know that they would have to give up so much.  I also believe they became a symbol of hope, justice and a beacon of light to those who had no hope.  All of this created the legend of the Mirabal sisters.

I also believe the men were spared because Trujillo was using them like pawns in a chess game.  By keeping them away from their wives, they all had other things on their minds like seeing each other while in prison.  Trujillo was able to control the Mirabal sisters by using his powers to keep the husbands away from their families especially the wives.  This reinforced to everyone just how powerful Trujillo was.   

Once their purpose was fulfilled, they were released from prison.  Unfortunately, Manolo passed away a few years after being released.  Pedrito got his land back but lost himself in the process.  Leonardo left the political arena and went into building buildings in the capital.  (How ironic is that – he was building buildings in the same capitol he was trying to remove the power from the dictator.)  He was also very successful.  Clearly, it was unnecessary to kill the men because the weight on their souls would be much more than any one person could bear.  Plus, they already had outlived their purpose.  They truly had little or nothing to go back for.

Let’s think about this for a moment.  We have been so consumed by the story of the Mirabal sisters that we have forgotten what these men have been through and what they gave up.  Even if they knew what they were getting into, would you, as a parent, give up your entire life to something else other than your own children?  These are just a few crosses these men had to bear for the rest of their lives.

In The Time of the Butterflies, by Julia Alvarez

My time line begins on p. 8.  On this page we have the whole family together gathered outside the home.  My focus is on Maria Teresa.  She is the youngest of four daughters and dad’s last attempt to have the son he always wanted.  Clearly, he was unsuccessful.  

Some time had passed and dad was enjoying his casual drink.  Everybody was listening to the stories and knowledge that he was talking about.  Then he began to tell the so-called future of his girls.  When it came to Maria Teresa, he says, “You are going to make every man’s mouth water.”  (p. 8) unfortunately, being the youngest one, she was still gullible.  She even believed in a board game that used a piece of glass which you would move to get an answer to a question. Everyone laughed at her.  She pouted in front of everyone.  That’s when everybody remembered she was still the baby in the family.  She did not enjoy it when people made fun of her nor did she appreciate when no one understood how sensitive she was.

1945 to 1946:  This little book belongs to Maria Teresa. (p. 30) it was her first day at the Immaculate Conception Saint’s Day of our school.  Minerva gave her a book to write in. Minerva said, “This is where you can write what you have to say.  Then you can use it to reflect on.  It will help you with your reflection and deepen your soul.”

Sunday, December 9:  Maria Teresa is unable to write anything in her book.  But, her new shoes make her feel like a mature young woman.  All her family members are there to see her make her first Communion except her father who is too busy attending the cocoa harvest.

            December 12:  Maria wrote that it is too hard to write in school.  It seems there is not enough time to write in her book.  Also, two of the other girls have made it a game to grab her book and giggle to themselves about its contents.  Maria does not like that at all nor does she like it when they laugh at her.

Feast Day of Santa Lucia:  Maria has been asked to play the part of Santa Lucia and she gets to wear her First Communion clothes again.

December 15:  Maria asks herself what is a soul?  Using her imagination, she places the effects of the soul onto the flesh.  She is still not sure as to what the soul is so she goes and speaks to Minerva to get a better understanding.  Minerva says, “It’s a deep longing in you that you can never fill up, no matter how hard you try.”  Minerva also compares it to poems and brave heroes who die for what they believe in.  Maria says, “I have to have that feeling inside.” Minerva responds, “That’s not the same thing.”

 December 16:  Maria feels that she is very mature for her age.  She has comforted herself by telling herself that she is here with Minerva and her little book to write in.  One of her sentences was “I’d rather be here than at home.”

December 20:  Maria and Minerva go home for the holidays.  Her longing is not for God but rather those people around her and her personal things like her room and rabbits.  She especially misses her abbreviated name “Mate” which has become part of her identity.

December 23:  Maria and Minerva are finally on their way home to the farm.  Minerva explains “the facts of life” to Maria.  A young man shows Minerva some attention and Minerva doesn’t give him the time of day.

December 24:  Maria’s soul just wants to have fun.  She’s in the convent and she is beginning to realize that she doesn’t have the calling to become a nun.  She then resolves not to scare Nelson with her ghost stories any more or play the dark passages game with Patria.   She makes a list of her personal resolves for 1946.

1953:  Maria feels like dying.  She is disappointed and upset that the other girls attended their father’s funeral.  Maria continues to write in her diary that Minerva gave her.  It makes her feel better to get things off her chest.  She has terrible nightmares regarding her father and her own wedding.  She sees Fela, a fortune-teller, to find the meaning of her nightmares.  She is told to put whatever anger or frustrations she is feeling on a piece of paper and burn it.

 1954:  She has kissed Berto on the lips.  She feels guilty, ashamed, horrified and disgusted.  She is supposed to be the religious one – waiting for her calling.  She is being taken by the flesh.  She explains to Minerva what happened and Minerva tells her that she is still too far behind.  By the end of the year, Maria must decide whether she wants to marry Berto or Raul.  She decides neither.  She begins to read the gossip columns. 

1955:  Maria is very sad because Minerva moved out of the home.

1956:  Maria must give a speech to the University because she was selected Miss University for the coming year.  She pays great tribute to Eljef Rafael Leonidas Trujillo.

1957:  She must finish her degree on her own.  She goes back home.  She has feelings of sadness and loneliness because she has not found her true love yet.  Minerva and Manolo drive with Maria in the backseat.  They are speaking quietly in the front seat making Maria feel very uncomfortable.  After some time, they stop at a small shack where the other family lives.  Minerva moves into the “other family’s” house.  Minerva and Manolo are revolutionaries.  She joins the revolution and she knows that sacrifices must be made for the revolution.

1960:  Maria and Minerva are arrested and jailed for their participation in the revolution.  While she is in jail, she begins to understand that the sacrifices that need to be made are due to her wants and desires postponed.  While in this reflective moment, she realizes that she has experienced more pain and suffering, coupled with hope and inspiration, in the past seven months while imprisoned.  She even gave up the opportunity to leave prison.  Minerva convinced Maria not to take the offered pardon.

In the Time of the Butterflies by Julia Alvarez

                First, let me just say that I am thoroughly enjoying this book.  Julia Alvarez is a great story-teller.  She deserves the accolades she has received.

                I was touched by the conversation Patria Mercedes had with her husband after he yelled at her for the first time in their 18-year marriage.  “You crazy, mujer, to invite them into the house!  You want your sons to lose their partrimony, is that what you want?”  He had never spoken to his wife like this before and, although she was taken aback by his tirade, it did not sway her feelings about the people of the revolution.  She kept seeing that young boy look at her as he took his last breath.  She needed to make her husband understand.

                “If you had seen what I saw on that mountain.  Ay, Pedrito, how can we be true Christians and turn our back on our brothers and sisters – “ He interrupted her and once again raised his voice at her, “Your first responsibility is to your children, your husband, and your home!”  He was so angry with her.  She knew and understood his anger but her own anger was growing.  He believed in what the revolutionaries were doing.  His fear was obvious to her but she couldn’t stop.  She was angry, too.  She was angry at what was going on around them; she was angry at the senseless deaths around them; she was angry at the senseless death of the young boy on the mountain.  She couldn’t just turn away and she knew he couldn’t either.

                She lashed out at him.   She blurted out in a way she didn’t want to tell him and explain to him but only to hurt him that their first born son had already joined the underground with his uncles.  “It’s him you’ll be throwing to the SIM!”  That did it for Pedrito.  He was broken.  She had hurt him very deeply and she knew it.  At that very moment he knew he had no choice but to risk everything generations before him had worked for and help the revolution.  He knew she was right and he respected her convictions, even admired her strength, determination and bravery.       

In The Time of the Butterflies, by Julia Alvarez Chapter 6 – Minerva, 1949

Minerva was looking to fulfill her own ambitions and goals.  She always wanted to go to Law school.  One of the biggest challenges was her father who insisted that she stay home and tend to the store.  But Minerva was thinking to herself that she wanted to become more and she felt she was ready for it.  This feeling of independence was being fueled by Lio and his telling her of true stories of what was happening to the people around them.  Any woman who considered education would have been looked down upon.  Unfortunately the town was being run by a tyrant ruler who had little or no regard for women.

As part of his ruling, he expected all other males to think the same regarding the females in there lives.  Minerva began to question such rulings and soon it began to weigh heavily on her.  Why can’t we be free or equal to men?  Is it really like this?  Slowly the truth was sinking in as to what her role was to be.

While driving on the family property going down the side road, she noticed a family house.  As she drove by the house in the family Ford, four children ran up to the car flailing their hands and yelling the words “mints.”  This went on each time Minerva drove by this house.  On one particular day, Minerva decided to pull over.  Little did she know some of those stories she heard were about to come true.

These four children were caught off guard when they saw a woman in this car.   Apparently, the person they were expecting to see behind the wheel was not this woman.  Clearly Minerva was very surprised to see the “Mirabal eyes” in someone else.  She thought to herself, aren’t we the only ones?  When the children noticed it was not who they were expecting, they became very reserved in their actions.  Even though they kept their distance, they were close enough to be asked certain questions.

Minerva’s world is spinning out of control and she can’t stop it.  We can only imagine how shocked she must have been to see her own eyes in another person.  Minerva asked them “do you have a father?”  Even though no one answered her, she already knew the answer.  She was trying to digest the fact hers was not the only Mirabal family.   But still she had to ask that one nagging question “do you have a brother?”(p. 86) One of the children responded, “mommy says daddy not going to get the son he always wanted.” (p. 86)

Soon after, the mother came out and scolded the children to get inside the house.  She looked at Minerva and lowered her head giving Minerva the sense that she was ashamed for any actions or rumors that may have hurt the family name because of her.  All Minerva could do was to extend her hand as a sign of friendship.  

After some time had passed, Minerva, angry and confused, confronted her father   about his “other” family.  His response was, “Things a man does.” (p. 92)  I believe that because it’s a masculine culture, the father wanted desperately to have a son.  As it was mentioned before, women had two purposes in this culture.  Minerva’s father knew this and he took full advantage of it.  Clearly his current wife could not give him what truly desired, so he went out looking for it.  Apparently, he did not succeed there either.

It is clear to me that he was looking at his own personal interests only.  Little did he know that his past and his future would collide, exposing him as the man he truly is.  All this happened in front of Minerva because she was his little princess.  This eye-awakening moment was just what Minerva needed to convince herself that she needed to take charge of her own life.   Minerva became very independent by standing up to her father for what she believed in. She also stood up for all women, especially her mother who truly was the strong one in the family.  

This also provided her with the understanding that she needed to do more for her other family rather than thinking about herself.  She is willing to put her dreams and goals aside.  She has grown from a young lady into a woman.  She will carry the dark secrets; she will be the peacemaker; and, she will be the one who will make the greatest sacrifices for the greater good.  Now she understands fairy tales are nothing but fairy tales.